How well do you manage your time?
Or is someone else managing it for you?
Those of us with ADHD often have trouble managing our time. We can lose big chunks of it when we get interested in something – that’s called hyperfocus – and it can seem to drag on forever when we’re bored. And we get bored very easily.
We also have trouble estimating how long things take, which is why our to do list for any given day is too ambitious and impossible to complete.
If someone else manages our time for us – like at work – we can do very well and get a lot done. That’s because someone else has taken over the planning part of managing our time.
But what about when you’re at home or during your “free” time?
Are you managing your time, or is someone else?
As women, we are prone to giving too much and not taking care of ourselves enough. And that includes things like letting others tell us what to do.
Often your children, your spouse, and sometimes even your friends and relatives will try to manage your time, but not for you – for them.
Of course, very young children need and deserve your time. But what about when they get older?
And naturally you’re willing to help out your spouse, friends, and relatives, but when is it too much?
Here are my thoughts on that.
You have things that you need to do each day or week. For most of us, that includes household things like cooking, cleaning, and laundry. There’s always plenty to do around your home.
And yes, I know that we often don’t do all the cooking, cleaning, and laundry that we would like because, frankly, it’s boring.
But you do deserve to have the time to do those things.
You also deserve to have time to yourself to do what you want, if not every day, then at least every week.
You know that not taking care of yourself is ultimately not good for anyone – especially you. And you know how you feel when it’s been too long since you’ve had some time for yourself.
While it’s nice to be able to help others when they need it, you also have to consider your own needs as well.
In fact, your needs should come before anyone else’s at least half of the time.
Let me be clear on this: I’m not talking about a true emergency or even just a situation where it’s not a big deal for you to help someone out.
I’m talking about when people are overstepping a bit.
Here’s an example: my husband and I got married a month after his older brother did, so we had our kids about the same time. One New Year’s Eve, they made plans to go out and assumed that we would babysit their kids because “we knew you wouldn’t be going out anyway”.
Yes, it was true. We never go out on New Year’s Eve. But that wasn’t the point. They were clearly thinking of themselves and not giving us a great deal of consideration.
If that kind of thing is happening in your life, you need to change it. You deserve as much respect and consideration as anyone else.
By the way, we did end up babysitting. But when they dropped the kids off, I had a calm and reasonable talk with them letting them know how we felt. And that’s exactly what you should do if someone is taking advantage.
You are as important as anyone else on the face of the earth. Start treating yourself the way you treat others.