Sex and ADHD


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Did you know that your ADHD and your sex life are connected? And that your ADHD symptoms can cause all kinds of problems when it comes to sexual situations?

Now this isn’t meant to be an X rated post, but we are all presumably adults here and this is a subject that is important to know about.

Maybe you’re married or in a committed relationship. Maybe you’re single. Maybe you have children with ADHD who may one day benefit from this information. Or as a parent of a teen or young adult with ADHD, maybe you need to know this for their sake.

Here are the things that you need to know about ADHD and sex, in no particular order:

It’s possible to get distracted, even while you’re having sex. There are a lot of reasons why you may become distracted while you are having sex; the more important thing is how this affects your partner. This is like the ultimate putdown; a way of showing how little you really care.

Now that may not be the case at all – and it often isn’t – but that’s the way that your partner will perceive it. You can imagine what something like this can do to a relationship, especially if it happens more than once. And it will.

The key here is to learn to live more fully in the moment. As women, we have a lot on our minds. I bet even women without ADHD get distracted during sex sometimes.

When you’re not in the bedroom, make a point of learning to be in the moment. This is good for your ADHD in general because it helps you learn to focus. Meditation is one way, but there are others we will explore later.

ADHD brings with it tendencies towards risk taking and impulsive behavior. Add these two qualities to a sexual situation and you can see how trouble can ensue. Lat’s say you’re mad at your husband or boyfriend. Depending on the strength of your relationship, you may be tempted if someone comes on to you in a sexual way. You don’t think first, your tendencies take over, and you may regret it later.

Women with ADHD often have low self esteem. When it comes to sex, someone with low self esteem is easy to take advantage of, because it means so much to have someone who seems to care for them. If you’re someone with low self esteem, examine your relationships carefully and be cautious when entering into a new one. Your time might be better spent working on yourself, perhaps with a therapist.

It is possible to be addicted to sex. We ADDers have addictive type personalities. Sometimes it’s alcohol or substance abuse, but it could be almost anything that you are using to self medicate, including sex. Add in things like low self esteem, risk taking, and impulsive behavior and this could be a very serious problem.

Young adults do not catch up emotionally with their peers until their mid to late twenties. Ok, so in addition to the risk taking behavior, the impulsivity, and their raging hormones, teens with ADHD are not emotionally as mature as their peers. An 18 or 19 year old may be making decisions from the standpoint of someone as young as 13 or 14.

Read that paragraph again.

If you are the parent of a teen or young adult who has ADHD, this is vital information.

All of this information may or may not be important to you.

If you’re in a long term, secure relationship, maybe none of this is relevant to you. On the other hand, if you’re in this sort of relationship, you might want to explore your impulsive or risk taking nature a little bit with your partner. You never know.

If you’re in between relationships or in a less than healthy one, take a close look at your life. Does low self esteem play a part? What about emotional maturity?

Sex is a complicated subject, as is ADHD. Sometimes when the two combine, it can lead to trouble. Take good care of yourself and make sure that you making smart decisions for you.

Lacy Estelle

Lacy Estelle

Lacy Estelle is the writer of and the Podcast host for An ADD Woman.

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