If you’ve read my blog for a while, you might know that my mom had ADHD but my dad does not. They were married for 52 years and I always thought that their marriage was a good one. I don’t remember arguments between them; seemed like they got along pretty well.
I know that there were differences between them. For instance, my dad has always been a very social person and my mom never really was. She had one or two really close friends, but she wasn’t one for casual socializing. I think her ADHD had a lot to do with that.
I also know that probably the biggest thing that caused tension between them was the amount of stuff she had. She kept it neat – she was no hoarder – but she had more things than she could use.
I guess that I am lucky because both my husband and I have ADHD. I think we have a really strong marriage because we are able to understand one another.
I might get frustrated because a project he started 6 months ago is still incomplete and all but abandoned, but at the same time, I understand how you can lose the motivation for something you started and how hard it is to make yourself finish it.
I think that ADD Moms who are married to a man who does not have ADHD must struggle more than most to keep their marriage on even footing.
As moms, we run the household and take care of everybody. Schedules, social life, education, finances, meals, housekeeping, etc, all fall on our shoulders.
When you have to keep track of all of that and manage your ADHD, it can easily become overwhelming or just impossible.
A non ADHD spouse might have difficulty understanding how you could forget to pay the electric bill or invite 10 people over for Christmas dinner when you haven’t been to the grocery store in weeks.
They might not understand why you can’t keep the house picked up or why your minivan always looks as though you just got back from a 6 week safari.
Hopefully there is enough love there to get past those things and you can find a way to work things out.
If you need some help, I’ve found a really wonderful website all about marriage and ADHD. It’s owned by Dr. Ned Hallowell and Melissa Orlov and it’s just full of good information. The site is called ADHD and Marriage. Check it out.